On the late Captain Grose's Peregrinations thro' Scotland collecting the antiquities of that Kingdom

On Captn. Grose's present peregrinations through Scotland collecting
the antiquities of that kingdom --------

Hear, Land of Cakes & brither Scots,
Frae Maiden-kirk to Johnie Groats!
If there's a hole in a' your coats
I rede you tent it:
A chiel's amang you taking notes,
And faith he'll print it!
If in your bounds ye chance to light
Upon a fine, fat fodgel wight,
Of stature short, but genius bright,
That's he, mark weel:
And wow! he has an unco slight
O' cauk & keel. ----

By some auld, houlet-haunted biggin,
Or kirk deserted by its riggin,
It's ten to ane ye'll find him snug in
Some eldritch part,
Wi' deils, they say, L-rd safe's! colleaguin
At some black art. ----

Ilk ghaist that haunts auld ha' or chaumer;
Ye gipsy gang that deal in glaumor;
And you deep-read in h-ll's black grammar;
Warlocks & witches,
Ye'll quake at his conjuring hammer,
Ye midnight b-tches.
It's tauld he was a Sodger bred,
And ane wad rather faun than fled.
But now he's quat the spurtle blade












And dog-skin wallet,
And taen the----Antiquarian trade
I think they call it.----

He has a fouth of auld nick-nackets:
Rousty airn caps & jinglin jackets
Wad had the Lothians three in tackets
A towmont gude,
And parratch-pats, and auld saut-backets
Afore the Flood.

Eve's first fire he has a cinder;
Auld Tubal-cain's fire-shool & fender;
That which distinguished the gender
Of Balaam's ass; A broom-stick o' the Witch of Endor,
Weel-shod wi' brass --

Besides, he'll cut you off fu' gleg
The shape of Adam's philibeg;
The knife that nicket Abel's craig,
He'll prove you fully
If 'twas a faulding jocteleg,
Or lang-kail gully.----
But wad ye see him in his glee,
For meikle glee & fun has he,
Then set him down, & twa or three
Gude fallows wi' him,
And Port, O Port! shine thou a wee,
And then ye'll see him!

Now, by the Pow'rs o' Verse & Prose,
Thou art a dainty chiel, O Grose!
Whae'er o' thee shall ill suppose,
They sair misca' thee: I'd tak the rascal by the nose,
Wad say, Shame fa' thee.----
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